Crisis.

I’ve always known that tanning is bad for you and causes premature skin aging and blah blah blah, but all of those warnings you hear never seemed terribly applicable to me in the blissful ignorance of my youth. 

But all that changed this morning.  I was getting dressed and, to my alarm, I discovered a large and ominous sun spot right smack dab in the middle of my chest — the part of your chest that shows even if you wear a modest low cut shirt or dress.  Meaning, I will have to live with the scourge of this sunspot for the rest of my days, and people will probably stare at it and whisper and feel sorry for me whenever I wear a cute sundress or a v-neck or a swimsuit.

Naturally, I freaked.  I went running through the house like a ninja to show my husband and to inform him that I am officially old and well on my way to wrinkles and probably lots of other age spots and, soon enough, the grave.

Here, I took a picture of it just for you people:

 

‘Tis true.  And I kid you not when I say I have so many white hairs that I recently had to start coloring them.  And now this.  I am only 24!!! 

I’ve been slathering on Proactive’s skin lightening lotion all morning (Matthew had a little sample of it) and watching the sun spot closely. This is truly a crisis situation in my eyes, and the beginning of what will probably only be many more crises of aging.

One thing I know for sure is that I will not be one to age with dignity and grace.  Botox all the way, baby.  I will, undoubtedly, be that 70 year old woman whose face looks frozen in time and who cannot laugh or frown because her skin was sewn too tightly over her skull.  And I’m ok with that. 

Please people, I need advice.  Have any of you found a sunless tanner that actually works and doesn’t cause fair skin to look orange?!  Help!!!