Swebit Travel And Vacation: PMS

What a weekend. And just FYI? I am PMSing violently. VIOLENTLY!!! Like, if someone were to piss me off right now I may or may not shank them in the liver right then and there. That’s how dire this situation is.

Irrepressible fury? Check.

Copious amounts of unsubstantiated tears? Check.

Headaches and fatigue? Check, check.

Undying appetite for and slight infatuation with the girl scout cookies we just bought Saturday night? You guessed it. CHECK.

PMS in all it’s glory.

Friday night was date night. Matthew and I went to our favorite restaurant where we wined and dined and had a delightful time; but the fun stopped there.

Next we went to the movies and saw Black Swan. Have any of you seen this? Lord have mercy. Here was my take on it, via Facebook:

The following words actually came out my husband’s mouth while walking out of the theater: “I’m not sure if I want to go get drunk or go get stoned or just blow my brains out.” And NO, he doesn’t REALLY do drugs or drink in excess, and he’s not actually suicidal. But you get the picture, right? That movie was d.i.s.t.u.r.b.i.n.g. I found it interesting the way that, when the credits came up and the lights turned on, everyone just sat there, as if their brains had been sucked right out through their eyeballs. People seemed confused and stunned… maybe damaged inside.

Wow. That’s all I can say. I’m sure it’ll win an Oscar, cause the weird ones always do.

Saturday I did about a month’s worth of housework in one day. It was epic, and I was angry the whole time. I vacuumed, dusted, scrubbed the floors, cleaned the closet, did mountains of laundry, and picked up two metric tons of poop from the backyard. Clearly my new year’s resolutions to stay on top of housework aren’t faring too well.

And Sunday morning. Sunday morning I went grocery shopping for the week. And once through and all rung up at the checkout counter, I was told by the cashier that a manager was needed for an override. Said manager arrived and rudely informed me that it’s illegal in Texas to buy alcohol before noon on Sundays, and then she dug around in my packages and took the wine away from me.

Oh, the rage that boiled up inside. It was 11:30, and I needed that wine for the beef stew I was making last night. I don’t really remember the exact words that flew out of my mouth, but I’m sure they weren’t pretty. Poor little cashier boy. He just had me on a bad day.

Here’s hoping for a better week. PMS be damned.

“I try to be the stretch your wings and fly type, but I can’t stop trying to burst people into flames with my eyes.” Author Unknown

***We now return to our regularly scheduled programming!!***

Except kind of a day late. Actually, almost two days late. Sorry.

List of Ten Tuesday may not exactly be occuring on Tuesday, per se, but didn't I say in my very first List of Ten Tuesday post that I reserve the right to write a list of ten on any day that I please? Why yes, yes I did. So now I will exercise that right.

Yesterday I was emotionally exhausted from the energy it sucked being mad at and writing a post about the anonymous commenter (whom I have since received an apology from). But I have to say one thing before I get to my list: I have THEE sweetest, THEE coolest, and THEE funniest readers/blog friends in the entire universe. No joke. The amount of positive and encouraging feedback I received on my last post was ASTONISHING!!! All throughout the day yesterday and today I have been absolutely in awe as some of the nicest, kindest, and sometimes most hilarious comments just POURED in. And I really tried to reply to them all, but I sincerely apologize if I missed anyone - my Gmail account kind of confuses me and I may have skipped one or two of you unintentionally. But PLEASE KNOW: your comments were a bright and sunny spot in my day. :) I could never in a million years pick a favorite, so my last post will not have a "comment of the day" winner. They were ALL THAT AWESOME.

But anyway, enough niceness. I'm actually kind of grouchy. Not because I have any reason to be, but simply because I am female, and women are cursed with wildly fluctuating hormones that, once per month, cause us to be rude to strangers, downright mean to people we love, and often even crueler to ourselves. So, in honor of that lovely time of month we girls get to celebrate all the way up until menopause, I give you....

The PMS Edition.

Ten Side Effects of Being Female and/or People, Places, and Things That Actually Kind of Make Me Want To Stab Someone Approximately Once Per Month

(Gentlemen, don't sign off just yet. This applies to you. In a roundabout way.)

Shall we begin?

1. People at the Grocery Store (or any public place, for that matter).

Now, NORMALLY I looooove going grocery shopping.

I kid you not.

But whilst PMS ensues, I am bubbling over with animosity and irritation with my fellow shoppers.

The person slowly strolling through the crosswalk while I'm trying to park annoys me.

The person who left their cart in the middle of the aisle while they leisurely read the back of the cereal box annoys me.

Actually, anyone on the same aisle I am annoys me. I prefer to have the aisle to myself.

The screaming children annoy me.

The people attempting to get me to try a sample annoy me.

You get the picture.

2. Facebook Statuses.

The things some people post on Facebook always amaze me, but while in the grips of PMS, I become ~~enraged~~ especially annoyed by them.

A few of my favorites?

(Taken from my actual Facebook page. If any of these offenders read this, I do apologize. It's that time of the month, and I cannot be held accountable for my actions)

The Cryptic Status

(i.e. no one knows what the hell it means):

The Passive Aggressive Status (also often cryptic)

(i.e. using Facebook to lash out instead of addressing issues constructively)

and The Completely Pointless Status

(most often utilized by those with complete lack of imagination)

Enough said.

3. Drivers on the Road.

If there were a recording device in my car during PMS, it would capture a lot this:

BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPP!!!

Not ladylike.

Not recommended.

I'm just being truthful, ya'll. Let he with no sin cast the first stone.

Sins committed during PMS are exempt.

4. Paula Deen.

Do I really need to elaborate?

5. The Tears.
(this is more just a PMS side effect, not a person, place, or thing that makes me want to stab someone) They just come. For no reason.

Tears because of a commercial on TV.
Tears because of a song on the radio.
Tears because of an adorable baby I saw on a blog.
There is no rhyme or reason to the tears. And they frighten my husband.

This is not me.

6. Customers at the restaurant I used to work at.

This won't apply to everyone, but when I was a waitress (for almost 8 years during high school and college), PMS hit HARD while at work. There is simply nothing like the service industry. People can be so darn rude - you have no idea! And when rude people and PMS mix? There was a lot of rage.

Did you see the movie Waiting? Remember Naomi? That was me a little bit. Once a month anyway.

7. Husband Antics I

I adore my husband, and normally I overlook his occasional messiness, etc. However, during The Severely Hormonal Times, I become fixated on certain things he does, and allow them to eat away at me until I ultimately explode into a fit of righteous anger. Over things like this:

Ridiculous, I know. Yet irksome, nonetheless.

8. Husband Antics II

My husband is always soooo surprised when "that time of the month" roles around and I turn into the Wicked Witch from the West. You would think by now he would have it figured out - maybe written it down on a calendar or as a reminder on his iPhone. It could look something like this: