A Little More Internet-Crazy for Your Wednesday

It’s time for another round of “Crazy Google Search Terms that Led People to My Blog.”  Didn’t catch it the first time? Click HERE.

Guys, I really get a huge kick out of this.  And it worries me slightly that so many of the search terms are related to PMS, stabbings, and general killing people.  I mean, I feel like I’m a pretty nice, non-violent person.  Sure, I like to threaten people every now and then, just to maintain a healthy level of fear in my relationships, but I’m always KIDDING when I say I want to kill people. 

I’m not sure if the peeps on the other end of these search terms are kidding, though.  The Internet is a scary, scary place, y’all.  Hide your kids and hide your husbands.  (And if you don’t recognize the pop culture reference in that last statement, you don’t spend neeearly enough time on the Internet.  Get with it.) 

Crazy Google Search Terms that Led People to My Blog

with commentary by yours truly.

1. Cakes with tigers.  (I find this deeply offensive.  I would never eat a tiger, even if it WAS in a cake. And I really love cake.)

2. Butt legging. (WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?)

3. Figures and pictures of lava feet of Jesus. (I am slightly terrified by this one.)

4. How to love my husband when I have PMS. (Woa woa woa, WAIT A MINUTE.  You shouldn’t actually stop loving him during PMS.  He should definitely bother you more then, and you might want to stab him with a shrimp fork sometimes, but the love should still be there.  I’m just saying.)

5. “I want to kill my voyeur” and “I want to kill people” and “why do I want to kill people around me?”  (I realize that by simply including these statements in a blog post, the googlebots will now bring me MORE people who want to kill people. Awesome.

6. She was trying to stab me with a tiny shrimp fork. (Seriously, my Charlie Sheen/shrimp-fork-attack post has brought me more traffic than probably any other post I’ve written. WINNING.)

7. Ten things about Ben Stiller you never knew. (Wait, I have NEVER mentioned Ben Stiller on this blog before, so how did the Internet know he is my favorite actor? Uncanny, folks. Uncanny.)

8. Adderal changed my life, overachiever. (I WOULD JUST LIKE TO NOTE THAT I AM NOT ON ANY PERSCRIPTION MEDS AT THIS TIME.)

And since this post needs a picture, I give you something entirely unrelated, but really cute, nonetheless.