Do me a favor?

I have tried and tried to compose a post that accurately expresses how I feel, yet doesn’t over-share and drone endlessly about my personal issues with faith and life and death and God. 

But it appears that I am incapable of NOT over-sharing (after all, the blog title is “story of my life,” isn’t it?). 

Those of you who have followed long enough know that my step-dad, Edd, has cancer.  Colon cancer that spread to his liver and lungs, and now his brain.

I’ve been silent on all of this lately, because the magnitude of it is just so much.  And though I always try to be completely honest and open on this blog, there are some things I worry I could never make you understand—only those who’ve been through something similar could really know of what I speak.

There is such a war currently being waged within me.  My heart believes in a powerful, merciful God who is bigger than anything we could imagine, but my mind wonders why His creation seems so tragically flawed. 

My prayers ask for a miracle, but my better judgment knows that God’s mind is made up, and no amount of begging will likely change it.  My faith is too little, anyway.  Too quivering in the winds of doubt and sorrow and that pesky little thing called logic that causes me to question everything that Sunday school ever taught me.

But despite my tattered faith, I have seen divine intervention again and again in my own life.  God is real to me, though he’s like a father that I never did see eye to eye with. 

The favor that I’m asking of you, besides just to pray for Edd, is to go to my mom’s blog and read what she wrote today.  It touched me so, so deeply, that I wanted to share it with you.

Her blog is mostly just for personal thoughts and reflections, but often what she writes is laced with so much wisdom and truth and honesty.

Please, if you feel so inclined, leave her a comment of encouragement.  Maybe just let her know you’ll pray for Edd.  I’d appreciate it very much.